The Broncos fans who annoy us the most and how they are all of us

Some very passionate fans of our beloved Denver Broncos
Some very passionate fans of our beloved Denver Broncos / Jamie Schwaberow/GettyImages

We have all been there, surrounded by fans of the Denver Broncos, whether at home, at the local watering hole, or at the stadium. It is game day and, regardless of the level of optimism for the upcoming game, it is a day that most of us enjoy a large portion of. It is nice to be around "your" people. When I say your people, of course, I mean fellow fans of the Denver Broncos. When you look around and see a crowd of people, regardless of the size, all decked out in orange and blue, it gives you a sense of pride. It gives you a feeling of belonging. And then, the game starts and people start talking and cheering. It is then that you realize that these people, much like your family and friends when all gathered together, have an unbelievable knack for driving you mad in their own eccentric ways.

Let’s take a peek at a few of these fans who might make you a tad crazy at times, but ultimately add to the overall experience of being a fan.

The eternal pessimist...Some people are truly unable to enjoy simple things, and this guy can put a negative spin on anything. A 14-point lead…we will blow it. A 21-point victory…we are still going to have a terrible season. A new head coach… he won one championship with a Hall of Fame quarterback and now he has a depleted Russell Wilson. There is no such thing as the benefit of the doubt because the doubt never goes away. You see these guys often sitting with their arms crossed and scowling, constantly expecting the worst in order to avoid being disappointed when they are right. They will shake their heads when the crowd is excited as if they feel sorry for those who are ignorantly unaware of the inevitable impending doom that is forthcoming. Typically these fans are able to wallow in their own self-pity while quietly grumbling to themselves. However, sit them next to a group of this next fan, and they may not even stay for the duration of the game.

The unfounded optimist...These people have the ability to be the most absurdly troubling of all fans, at times, and every team has them. We have just endured the single most difficult seven-year stretch of Broncos football that anyone not on Medicare can remember. Yet, every one of you knows a guy who is absolutely adamant that we are winning a fourth championship next season. Their reasons are wholly without merit and, when pressed for a serious, educated answer on how they possibly could feel that we even have a remote chance at said glory, they simply answer with, "Because the Broncos rule!" These are the same people who we see at the games that, when they get a camera in their face, they yell out, "The Chiefs suck!” or something to that effect.

We might not even be playing Kansas City on that particular day. They don't care. There is very little intellectual thought behind any of their football perspective. They simply possess a blind love for their team and will hold on to the belief that we are the best team on the planet until we are mathematically eliminated from contention. When that happens, it is time to start spewing the baseless predictions for next season. Personally, I think we need to protect these people.

The face painter... First of all, I will say that I appreciate your passion. When you see a guy or girl whose face is painted orange to the point in which you stare at that person for an awkward length of time trying to fathom how much time and effort went into that masterpiece, or monstrosity depending on your outlook, it does make you question your level of loyalty to the team. I have been a fan of the Denver Broncos for the entirety of my existence. However, I have never woken up two hours early to cover the absolute landscape of my face in my team colors with the thought that I am going to have to spend an hour scrubbing it off later that night while 13 beers deep.

I am also not 7 years old or at the county fair. I have met enough face painters at the games that I had great times with that I can't even knock them. To the face artists I have encountered in public establishments, or at watch parties, your dedication is undeniably admirable, but your level of reasoning could be deemed a bit troubling for a person your age.

The social media facade person... We have all seen these guys and girls at every game. Their authentic jersey still has the creases from the package it came out of, and it costs half as much as their jeans with the buttoned-down back flaps. Much like the people who get clubbed by foul balls while taking selfies at baseball games, the outcome on the field is far less important than the posts from the seats they could barely afford. I know that not all of the people in the expensive seats are like that, which makes these people easy to spot. They would rather grossly overspend to go to one game and let everyone on social media know how well off they are than spend more reasonably in relation to their actual life situation and go to six or seven games.

It is like seeing a guy pull out of a check-cashing place in a Porsche. To some of the general public, he appears to be crushing everything he does. But, for those who know what is really happening behind the scenes, there isn’t a lot of logical decision-making. Honestly, we need to do what we can to help these people, but I also think we need them. They have the best phones, take great pictures and bring a lot of attention to the team on social media. They are wasting their talents.

The know it all... This guy is much smarter than you or anyone you know. Just ask him. He can oftentimes be misconstrued with the eternal pessimist because he argues every take he manages to eavesdrop on. He enters into the middle of conversations from the outside because most people try to avoid talking directly to him based on the difficulty of keeping the eye-rolling at bay for the duration of his mouth moving. This fan will often possess first-hand knowledge about the Broncos due to the “fact” that he has been a fan longer than you and he knows people who work for and around the team.

They allegedly grew up around players or their families but have never provided any proof of any of this because none of it is remotely true. Much like the majority of society today, it is impossible to have an educated exchange with a know it all. They don't do the research. They don't read the articles. They are just forever at the ready to tell you how wrong you are. The problem isn't this person not actually knowing things. The problem is this person knows everything, yet what they know just isn't so.

Obviously, it would take me forever to chronicle every type of fan you will come across. There is the guy who throws out fake stats to make himself look good as if it were still 1990 and every single person around him doesn’t have an electronic encyclopedia in their possession at all times. We have all seen the hardcore tailgater, who probably deserves an award for hyping up the rest of us in the parking lot but doesn’t remember 10 minutes of the game the following day due to his pregame dedication.

There is the uber-aggressive whistler who, regardless of the location of your seats, somehow ends up directly behind one of your earholes at every game. How about the guy who sits in the middle of a row and then proceeds to take 14 trips to concessions and the restroom? Let’s not forget the guy who smells like he slept in a tub full of beer and swears unceasingly after every play with no regard for the family with young children sitting directly in front of him.

The truth is, there is a little bit of all of these people in all of us at times. Each and every one of us possesses the ability to annoy the people around us and we have probably accomplished it more than we know. Some of us are just a tad better at it than others.

Being a passionate fan can be the most rewarding feeling and the most deflating experience, sometimes within the duration of a single game. Much like life itself, we all want to reach the pinnacle, and we all feel the joys and the disappointments similarly. Because of these things, football has a way of transforming the most centered person into someone others can’t help but just stare at and shake their heads. Thus, we appreciate anyone and everyone who shares our love for our team regardless of the manner in which they go about it. At the end of the day, it is important to remember that we are truly all in this together... even the face painters. Go Broncos!

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