NFL Locker Room Songs

After the USC football team’s hit YouTube Video (singing Lean On Me by Bill Withers), head coach Pete Carroll asked Bill Withers to come in to play a joke on the team. Then, Withers had the team sing his song to him. Here’s the video:

This got me thinking. If NFL teams had to sing  in the locker room together, which song would they choose. Here’s what I’ve come up with (Click the song title to listen to the song):

Washington Redskins – “We’re In the Money”: Anyone that signs with the Redskins is in the money. Just ask Albert Haynesworth how much he’s worth.

Oakland Raiders – “Kung Foo Fighting” : Everybody fights in that organization. Their physical and verbal altercations make them a better cast for a Bruce Lee film than an NFL team. 

Minnesota Vikings – “Welcome Back” : Brett Favre returns after his 233nd retirement so bring out the welcome mat and welcome him back (again).

New England Patriots – “Hero” : Tom Brady is everyone’s hero nowadays for his football skills and his choice in women. I bet Randy Moss sounds exactly like Mariah Carey too.

Detroit Lions – “Perfect” : A perfect losing season needs a perfect emo song. Perfect for the winless Lions.

St. Louis Rams – “Up On the House Top” : So what if it’s a Christmas song. The Rams act like Old Saint Nick, handing out the ultimate presents to their opponents – Another mark in the win column.

Carolina Panthers – “Push It” : Only because Smash and Dash go together like Salt and Pepper.

Chicago Bears – “Dirt Off Your Shoulder” :  Singing some Jay Z to Jay C about brushing his shoulder off should help him remember that he’s got a new offensive line, and his uniform won’t stay as clean as last year.

Indianapolis Colts – “Eye of the Tiger” : With Peyton Manning on their side, any turnaround is possible. Last year, the team started 3-4, but then won 9 in a row. All because of the eye of the Vol Tiger.

Denver Broncos – “Bad Day” : A bad day or a bad off season? Losing Mike Shanahan, Jay Cutler, and possibly Brandon Marshall warrants this tear jerker.

Tennessee Titans – “Sober” : LenDale White dropped 37 lbs in the off season by laying off the hard stuff. Without that belly up at the bar, the Titans run game just got a lot better.

Cincinnati Bengals – “I Know You Want Me” : This might be a Chad Ochocinco solo.

Tampa Bay Bucs – “Forever Young” : Raheem Morris is the youngest head coach in the league. I’m sure as his parents made his sack lunch and told him to take out the garbage they said, “May you grow to be proud, dignified and true, and do unto others as you’d have done to you.”

Arizona Cardinals – “Do It Again” : Getting to the Super Bowl is something they absolutely want to do it again.

Philadelphia Eagles – “Hound Dog” : Bon Jovi did a version of Hound Dog. Maybe he could accompany the team and back up Michael Vick.

Pittsburgh Steelers – “We Are the Champions” : Yes, they’re the champions, but not for long.

Jacksonville Jaguars – “Toes”: After winning 5 games last year, their toes were clearly in the water with ass in the sand.

New York Jets – “I Want to Kiss You” : Any song about an inebriated Joe Namath has got to be the Jets’ theme song.

Green Bay Packers – “My Immortal” : Like it or not, Favre is their immortal whose presence still lingers like old stinky cheese.

Cleveland Browns – “Cleveland Rocks” : Cleveland, Ohio only rocks when Braylon Edwards isn’t dropping the ball.

Dallas Cowboys – “Deep In the Heart of Texas” : Everything is perfect in Texas, no complaints whatsoever. Not even one about a 60 yard HD video screen, right Jerry Jones? 

Buffalo Bills – “Niagara Falls” : Just like T.O. will be a distraction to the Bills, Niagara Falls will be a distraction from T.O.

Baltimore Ravens – “Hey Jude” : Replace ‘Jude’ with ‘Joe’ because Joe Flacco is the man of the hour.  Na na na na na ,na na na, Hey Joe!

Houston Texans – “Second Fiddle” : That’s just what they play to the hearts of Texans.

Seattle Seahawks – “Seattle” : They need something a little upbeat with all the rain they get during football season.

Kansas City Chiefs – “Use Somebody” : Use someone like Matt Cassell instead of Tyler Thigpen and Damon Huard, and you’ll be okay. 

Atlanta Falcons – “Best I Ever Had” :  Right now, Matt Ryan is their everything, and he stays out of trouble.

San Diego Chargers – “You’re a Jerk” : The rest of the team to Philip Rivers.

San Francisco 49ers – “Sittin On the Dock of the Bay” – That’s what it looked like they were doing last season when they only won 5 games.

Miami Dolphins – “Welcome to Miami” : Will “the city that keeps the roof blazin'” keep Ricky Williams out of trouble?

New Orleans Saints – “Second Chance” : The city and its football team got a second chance after Hurricane Katrina.

New York Giants – “I’ll Be Missing You“: A pure harmonious tribute to the one and only clubbing dumbass, Plaxico Burress. Pass a Kleenex to Eli, please.