After getting steamrolled by the vaunted Jacksonville offense last Sunday, the Broncos turned to their crack scouting group to turn up the best unemployed defenders this country has to offer. A quick look at the candidates and some suggestions for where to turn next.
A.J. Nicholson, LB — A former fifth-round pick of the Bengals, Nicholson was waived after a domestic violence charge in Kentucky. Jesus, it takes a lot to get cut from the Bengals for committing a crime. Regardless, if he hits defenders like he’s hits women, he’ll be a force to be reckoned with.
Derrick Strait, CB — Strait was a third-round pick out of college, but has so far managed to get cut by the Carolina, Tampa Bay, Chicago, and the Jets. If he’s looking to get cut by a team in every division, the Broncos should get him well on his way.
Wale Dada, CB — A guy named Wale? Doesn’t sound very fast to me.
Therrian Fontenot, CB — Cut by the Browns, he should know a lot of guys in Denver. Wait…he got cut by the Browns!
Carlos Hendricks, CB — Released by the Bucs after he was injured during camp. He was a shutdown guy in NFL Europe…when there was an NFL Europe.
My suggestions:
Deion Sanders — Anything to get him off my TV.
A guy wearing shiny objects — You know how you shine your watch in someone’s eyes if the sun is just right. Yeah…let’s do that.
Steve Atwater — That guy could hit. He couldn’t catch anything to begin with, so he’ll be right back where he was during his prime. Plus, if Christian Okoye can be on a Pirate reality show, Atwater should meet him in the hole, just for old times sake.
Willie Middlebrooks — No!!! Anyone but Willie Middlebrooks!!!
Wymon Henderson’s goggles — You think Horace Grant looked awesome in the ’80s? He had nothing on Wymon. They made him run fast.
Regardless of who the Broncos add, it’s pretty clear they could use some help fast. At least they’re not playing a high-powered offense this weekend. What? Oh, right.