Giant Fatass Chooses Football Over Soccer

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As a person with a general distaste for the mainstream media and especially the press-release factories posing as news stories that generally populate sites like NFL.com, I’m a rare visitor. But today I was poking around and stumbled upon this absolute gem of a story.

What?!?! Huge, 330 pound men aren’t good at soccer? I had no idea! Where would this guy ever have gotten the idea to play football. You mean Freddy Adu’s not going to line up at tackle? No Beckham in the backfield?

It certainly looks like Akah made the right choice. Besides, how many NFLers are alums of the British American Football League (besides Kurt Warner, of course). I’m pretty sure that “league” is a front for naked rugby or some sick shit like that.

The hidden upside here — if the Broncs ever get ravaged by injuries to the kickers, I would die a happy man if I saw a guard kick a field goal.