Shanahan Trusts You Very Much

David Kircus was probably a little frightened when Mike Shanahan wanted to talk to him about his latest arrest for assault. But Mike was calm and cool — he trusts his players. Undoubtedly, Kircus went into an intricate story about how it was self defense and he’s the real victim here and so on. Shanahan has never been one for excuses, so he did what any (slightly neurotic) coach would do — he strapped Kircus to the polygraph. I can’t say for certain where Shanahan keeps the polygraph or any of his other torture devices, but for the sake of sensationalism, let’s just assume it’s in the creepy basement of Broncos Headquarters.

Nevermind the fact that having employees take polygraph tests is illegal, the scene of Shanahan pacing around Kircus firing questions with TV-cop-intensity is an amusing one. I like to picture Dave strapped to a wooden chair with electrodes discreetly wired into his pants, if only for the drama. Apparently after satisfying his curiosity, Mike decided that Kircus wasn’t lying so he gets to keep his job. Shanny is a big fan of the lie detecting ball buster, noting, “I’ve done it a number of times. It’s been very good to us over the years.”

A lot of people seem to have a problem with this, and I’m sure union boss Gene Upshaw will soon become one of them, but I think it’s fantastic. In fact, why doesn’t Shanahan install one on the sideline? We’ve all seen coaches ask a player if they fumbled before a Challenge — why not strap ’em in and find out for sure? Maybe Mike needs info on the opponent’s playbook…why not grab a practice squad guy and give ’em the treatment. The polygraph could have lots of great uses for the Broncos organization. Let’s not rag on Shanahan for trusting David Kircus enough to allow him to tell the truth on record. Let’s celebrate the mechanized detection of human reaction and use it to win some football games. It’ll be great — trust me.