The Broncos are off this week. The bye week kind of gives me the blues. There’s no excuse for dressing head to toe in blue and orange, I can’t high five random people walking down the street after the game, and I can’t use “the game” as an excuse to sit on my butt for 3.5 straight hours. Yes, there are other NFL games going on that have meaning in my life since I play fantasy football, and I’m involved in a weekly pool, but there’s definitely an emptiness inside when my team doesn’t play. For those of you who are feeling the same way, I’m going to give you the top 10 things to do during the bye week.
10. Watch your alma mater play – Even if they are 0-7 on the year, and you see a shirtless shit-faced frat boy benefitting from your financial contribution, you will appreciate your NFL team that much more.
9. Go to church – Confess all those sins and impure thoughts you’ve had while watching football the past 6 weeks. You know you secretly wished Tom Brady would go down in pain during the Pats-Broncos game.
8. Enter a competitive eating contest – Now that you’ve expanded your stomach for the past 6 weeks by consuming beer, chips, and hot dogs, put it to good use. Enter a chicken wing eating contest, and remember, it should look like you just delivered a baby when you’re done.
7. Tailgate on your front lawn – There’s no shame in having a beer (or 3) while you cheer on your neighbor as he mows his lawn.
6. Reconnect with long lost friends (or your significant other) – The people that don’t give a crap about your team can come back onto the radar screen for one week only. After that, tell them you’ll see them in February.
5. Get your Halloween costume ready – If you have a friend, go as Tom Cable and Randy Hanson. All you need is boxing gloves. If you’re flying solo, comb your hair over, put a pacifier in your mouth, and go as Jay Cutler.
4. Take a Nap – When your significant other asks what you’re doing, tell him/her that you’re acting like the Buffalo Bills defensive line.
3. Develop an interest in NASCAR – Grab some Coors light, a shot gun, and chewing tobacco. Develop your southern drawl by watching old clips of Jerry Jones.
2. Take a road trip – Leave your old Jay Cutler jersey on side of the road 200 miles outside of town.
1. Reintroduce yourself to your kids – Go back to the way you were before week 1. Remind the kids to take the trash out and do the dishes. After 6 weeks off, your house is starting to smell like curry and sweaty feet.