Jay Manning? Parentage Tests Underway
By Staff
With a slow week in Bronco news, it’s time for some wild speculation. New wideout Brandon Stokley has everyone in Denver abuzz over Jay Cutler, with comparisons to Peyton Manning:
"Jay and Peyton both have great arms. They both have a great feel for the offense,” Stokley explained. “That’s what you ask in a quarterback. They have to know the offense in and out. You can definitely see that Jay does. “And he’s a great leader out there on the field, like Peyton. You can definitely see the qualities.”"
My first thought is that I’m going to have to sit through hours of insufferable Jay Culter commercials this season. But then, as the synapses in my brain start firing, I have a realization — Cutler is the lost Manning brother. No, not the one that sells insurance, another one. The more I think about it, the more it all adds up.
I’ll note that it’s not particularly nice to question someone’s parentage, but Stokely brings up an interesting point.
"Stokley believes superstar quarterbacks are born, not made. “It’s kind of hard to explain, but with the great ones you either have it or you don’t,” Stokley said. “You have to have that mentality where, if something bad happens you let that roll off your back, go to the next play and sling it in there again. I see that in Jay.”"
Now that he mentions it, it all makes sense. The dopey haircut, the understated southern accent, the laser-rocket arm. An SEC school, the unusual jersey number, the draft hype — it all makes a little more sense now. Maybe Shanahan has a paternity facility in the basement next to the polygraph.
Frankly, this can only be good for the Broncos. Not only is Cutler playing well, but he may be the illegitimate son of a marginal former NFL quarterback.
I will admit that my theory has a few flaws. I’m not sure what Manning would have been doing in Indiana in 1982, so maybe we should be looking at Jim Irsay as a possible suspect. Also, Cutler has shown an early knack to staying out of tabloids and ridiculous photographs, which would mean either he missed a recessive gene or he’s maybe just a Manning cousin. Either way, if he keeps slinging the ball like Stokley says he is, it may be an exciting season in Denver.